I hope to be real, hope to utter the words that will quench my thirst for closure. My brother is here, but I haven’t spoken to him in over a month. We are strangers to one another but as God would have it, we share bloodline. He does not like me nor care for me…I feel it now and I felt in when I visited Nigeria while he was still living there. He wasn’t too nice to me, but a hopeful me wanted to remain in oblivion, returning to the states gushing about my siblings. I’ve always talked about my siblings, as if we were close or I grew up with them. THEY are close WE are not. Nothing short of adults who made decision inconsiderate of how it would affect my tomorrow. I love my brother but I do not like him, I know he envied my position here in the states while he remained in Nigeria…I attempted to explain to him once that the grass is never greener on the other side…null and void. My experiences are not one to be envied. He feels I’m a failure, like I no carry (Naija slang for not having money), like I wasted an opportunity. The day I got into an argument with him and my older sis (nasty one…parents got involved) reaffirmed my position with them.
I’m human with feelings, there are times I’m afflicted..mostly when aunt flow is coming <insert LOL>. Most times I stand strong, I’m a tough cookie exterior wise. Often realistic with life, can’t moan or groan all the time…just sometimes. Just making the best out of every situation with a nice slow reggae song as your background music ;-)