Weytin dey?

One day

I hope to be real, hope to utter the words that will quench my thirst for closure. My brother is here, but I haven’t spoken to him in over a month. We are strangers to one another but as God would have it, we share bloodline. He does not like me nor care for me…I feel it now and I felt in when I visited Nigeria while he was still living there. He wasn’t too nice to me, but a hopeful me wanted to remain in oblivion, returning to the states gushing about my siblings. I’ve always talked about my siblings, as if we were close or I grew up with them. THEY are close WE are not. Nothing short of adults who made decision inconsiderate of how it would affect my tomorrow. I love my brother but I do not like him, I know he envied my position here in the states while he remained in Nigeria…I attempted to explain to him once that the grass is never greener on the other side…null and void. My  experiences are not one to be envied. He feels I’m a failure, like I no carry (Naija slang for not having money), like I wasted an opportunity. The day I got into an argument with him and my older sis (nasty one…parents got involved) reaffirmed my position with them.

I’m human with feelings, there are times I’m afflicted..mostly when aunt flow is coming <insert LOL>. Most times I stand strong, I’m a tough cookie exterior wise. Often realistic with life, can’t moan or groan all the time…just sometimes. Just making the best out of every situation with a nice slow reggae song as your background music ;-)

I quit.

Dear you,

This will be combination of words from my heart, hope it makes sense to your heart. My heart cringes often at the thought of being exposed, being vulnerable at the same time loves been expressive regardless of the consequences. What is the joy in life when you can’t be free with your feelings and desires. What doesn’t escapes my lips flows without restraint from my fingers. Let me break it down to you Naija style babe… E be like say you are like the omi to my garri, the eko to my moi moi, the eyin to my ndomie… hope you get my drift sha. On a serious note I love us, the chemistry we share, the rapport we carry whether it be openly or silently. I know our union is temporary , life is peculiar like that. Conflicted as I may be through it, I do not have an ounce of regret. I may even love you, and that’s fine with me. It’s a beautiful feeling. I wish I could hold onto that feeling forever… exclusive to you.

This is a freestyle letter, written to the beat of my heart.

Sincerely,
Toyin

For every door that tries to slam shut, I wedge my foot in between while searching for another open one.

Are you there God? It’s me Teefah :)

I have often wondered what my purpose is in this world. I have watched and listened to people who think they know, and those who think they have heard it all. My purpose here is mine and mine alone. My battles has often been lonesome, how dare I open my mouth give people the comprehension of my state of mind. I am somewhat obessed with my state of mind. It troubles me, has hindered me simultaneoulsly acting like a projectory. It keeps me sane and insane, my protagonist and antagonist. I no longer worry about my purpose, for I know I am here doing what I was created for. We are all fulling our purpose meanwhile we aimlessly search for our puropose. We foolishly miss oppurtunities and regain them in other forms if we are lucky enough.

I’ve come across various shades of characters, many wishing to know my thoughts, others believing they understand my thoughts. I seek for the giver and receiver. Share your mind with me first, then your heart, together we can intertwine our bodies and make melodious words and notes flow through our pores. Your sweat is rain of goodness, gives me the good wash my soul has yearned for. Your breath warms me in my coldest moments. Even when you hurt me it reverts me back to my reality, giving me a window of clearance that we can lose only to gain more.

Thoughts come to me, hits me like no other. There is a beauty in it that can never be surpassed by anything in this world. Just because one is blind or deaf, doesn’t mean they are thoughtless.